Model Mummy and my Boy

You know you’re a boy Mummy

I’ve been covering lots of aspects of pregnancy on ‘Model Mummy’ recently but been focusing less on the fact I’m already a mum.


I have a very boisterous, and utterly entertaining 3 year old. I think he has changed my mindset so much over the last few years, and I like to think I will be a much more relaxed mummy this time round, due to some of the behaviours that any other mummy’s of boys out there will understand.


Accepting the naked body


Now I thought I was comfy with my naked body doing the job I do where I might have to de-robe any minute. Well I am amateur compared to a little boy. It’s almost like that scene from Bruce Almighty when Ethan arrives home through my front door. His clothes simply fly from his body, then it’s hands straight onto his bits whilst dancing for the people walking by outside at the window.


It doesn’t matter who comes to visit or what I try and bribe him with in public, there is no chance of any clothing staying on once he has decided they’re coming off. This includes airports, car parks and other peoples houses as well as opening our front door in the nude every time it knocks, the pizza delivery guy at ours is totally used to it too.  It seemed just as I came to accept the nakedness Ethan adds a new dynamic. He will now hold on to his butt cheeks, pull them apart and dance. As I said above, boy mummy’s need to love the naked form!


Be prepared for lots of mess


I realise all children come with a default messy setting, but I’m not talking about a few toys on the living room floor, or some spilt cereal at breakfast. I’m talking about ‘boy mess’ muddy footprints from playing football, bugs and dirt from the garden, public peeing, bathroom floor peeing, bogies being wiped on your best jeans kind of mess. It doesn’t matter how many times I ask, all my sofa cushions will be in a heap on the living room floor everyday and my bed is a trampoline (but only once all bedding is on the floor). Sometimes I wish for a dainty little girl who might play dolls or quietly with a tea set, but then I realise the circles of love drawn on my dressing table in MAC eyeliner I just purchased just wouldn’t be the same if I didn’t have my little boy.


Desensitised to Danger


Obviously I wouldn’t allow my child to play in a public road, or stick his fingers in a plug socket, but as a mummy to a little boy, your do become slightly desensitised to danger.


My son climbs everything, tables, chairs, railings, shelves, brick walls, basically anything he can. Nowadays, I can now easily assess which of these things is actually dangerous, it’s only when I spend time with other people I even realise I’m doing this. You can sometimes see my friends sweating, cringing and almost leaping out of their seats as Ethan plays. The truth of the situation is that I watch him jump from each step on the staircase and I know how many he can safely navigate before he’s gone too high and I need to intervene. He likes to leap from the windowsill onto the sofa cushions, and whilst I realise this sounds dangerous as I type this- I can honestly say my danger detector can tell the difference between a good or bad situation. I think it’s just something inside the boy mummy. We see so much rough and tumble, it starts to become our normal.




Willy, winky, or whatever you call it, you think you know what it’s capable of until you have a son. Never did I truly know how obsessed little boys are. His hands constantly live down his pants (if he is wearing any) and it doesn’t matter how many times I ask him to get his hands off, it wont make the slightest bit of difference. Boys like to pull, twist, swing it. It won’t matter who is watching of where they are it’s almost subconscious and the most worrying thing. I think over time boy mummy’s start not to notice.


In a nutshell I have put my top 10 mummy to a boy- isms below


  1. You can tell a real cry from a play wrestling cry from a different room


  1. You know that hand picked flowers and weeds from the garden DO make you happier than any shop bought bouquet of flowers.


  1. if a little boy needs to pee, there is no stopping him. He just will. Some of our best efforts have been St Pauls Cathedral and Disney World.


  1. You know that the blue trains in Thomas the Tank Engine arn’t all the same. FYI That’s Thomas, Edward and Gordon.


  1. If mayonnaise on every single meal (even cereal) makes for a peaceful life, it’s fully acceptable.


  1. The bathroom floor will need wiping twice a day (minimum)


  1. You have to find burps and farts amusing. It’s gross, not quite in my nature but boy mummy’s have to learn to love it all. This happens ALOT


  1. You must learn to love bath time. You’ll be giving minimum of one bath a day forever! The things my son plays with in the garden means fumigation is sometimes more appropriate but baths will have to do.


  1. You will I longer flinch in the face of other little boys leaping around. I covered this above, but I also think the desensitisation also extends to other peoples little boys too.


10.Finally you must love cuddles ALL the time. My little boy is the most affectionate loving little creature. He will cuddle me and bump whenever, wherever. He wears his little heart on his sleeve and if he needs to tell me he loves me at 3am- then he will. Simple as that.

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