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The night before ‘Big School’

Ethan, It’s the night before ‘Big School’. We’ve been talking about it all summer, I’ve been cooking and eating dinners off the School menu for weeks because I want you to be comfortable with their food. We’ve had practice walks to the gates and we talk about what will happen every time we drive past. 

All your uniform is laid out ready for the morning, I’ve even used my hair straighteners to iron on all the cute little name tags and your bags are packed and sat by the front door. There were two lots of tears tonight, one set because you said you’ll miss nursery and you want to go there forever and the second set because you asked what happens if nobody likes you. I am so grateful to your nursery for the little boy you have become, but I know it’s time to move on. 

It makes my heart hurt to hear you say that children might not like you. I have explained that if you are good and kind everyone will want to be your friend. I know it isn’t strictly always true, but I can’t imagine anyone not loving you like I do. So as I cuddled you tonight, I made a secret wish for you. I wish for a friend in your class to come hold your hand and you can be brave together. 

You know mummy still has a friend she met on the first day of school. we held hands in the playground and we’ve looked after each other ever since. We learned to read and swim and ride a bike together, and as we got older we shared exam stress, secrets and stories together. I feel pulled apart- half of me wants you to stay here, at home with me forever, we have our own routine and I can protect you from the world. The other half of me wants you to learn about the big bad world, to have adventures and make new friends. 

I know you are nervous, you’re awake before 5am and so am I- but you were so brave. So as we hold hands and walk to school together I offer up my last wish. I wish for the children and teachers to see you like I do. The Kind, Caring, funny little boy who makes me proud every single day. 
Mummy Loves you so much xxxx

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